Friday, February 5, 2010

new people.

With my new job, I meet on average anywhere from 30 to 70 new people a day. When you meet new people at this level you realize how many people have issues, mainly physically. Instead of celebrating difference, which is the pc thing to do, I like to make fun of them. God knows I have my differences, I laugh at them too.

One thing I have realized while meeting so many people is that there are a ton of cross eyed people out there. I had no idea so many had this issue. The most awkward moment possible in life must be the first time you communicate with a cross eyed person. Where do I look? Which eye? It's even worse if you see them far away and they acknowledge you because from further away its even harder to get a track on which eye is looking at you. And as they approach you feel the pressure increasing to commit to an eye. Because how humiliating if you are staring at the wrong eye the whole time? I have met 6 cross eyed people already.

There was one woman I met who was wearing a Gilligan hat and yawning. Trying to be the friendly corporate smart ass, I commented "Someone was up late last night eh?". She turned to me and removed her cap, revealing a bald head. "I'm going through chemo, I have no energy.". I apologized and she walked away. That was pretty awkward.

This gorgeous young woman was hugging and kissing an older man, balding, big fake teeth, wearing a pink polo shirt trying to act young and spontaneous. He made me sick, how is she attracted to him. When he walked away I asked her, "big dick, big money right?" She laughed and nodded. You damn women make me crazy.

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