One time I went to this theme park after dropping a micro-dot and went missing near the beer garden. Turns out i was found hours later dry humping a Clidesdale horse when all along I thought I was having a sexy threesome with two girls in Uggs. Needless to say, I am banned for life from Busch Gardens and Sea World.
2. I have always hated Jimmy Buffett and his cleverly named Coral Reefer Band but I will say one thing, you go to one of those shows and you have a 100% chance of getting laid in the parking lot. I was at the Florida Panthers game last night and there were ads everywhere for an upcoming Buffett concert, all my memories rushed back and I thought I had to share. The first time I went to a Buffett show, I was twelve and dragged by my parents. Not only was it the first time I smelled weed but the first time I had seen bare breasts in my face, everywhere. Old boobs, young boobs, fat boobs, painted boobs, saggy boobs, everyone was high and nobody was shy. I had to remain seated the entire show for fear of random boner. On the way out, women were pinching my ass, grabbing my crotch, rubbing my head, I was twelve years old! I was amazed.
The second time I saw Buffett live, I was older and I went for one reason, to turn those butt pinches and flat hands into a full out sex romp. And it was so easy, grab the first stoned 28 year old you see and tell her you have weed in your Expedition, she will follow you cross counties and do things to you that you've only heard about from the 60's. Some of you may have to drop your standards for this 100% rate, like maybe an older parrot-head, or put up with weed breath or deal with a kid waiting outside the car or hide from her normally tame husband. Anyway, it's worth a try, go for it.
3. You want to know what frustrates me more than anything in the world? My iPhone not letting me say HELL, it always changes it to HE'LL. ALWAYS!
No comments:
Post a Comment